Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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