Cold hands, warm shart.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
