Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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