I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
