He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
