conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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