I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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