I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
