And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
