Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
