WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
