My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
