remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize