do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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