he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
