Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
