This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
