my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
