We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
