yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
