I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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