its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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