I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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