im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We named our party play list daddy issues
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
