he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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