you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
