Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
