did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
