Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
