If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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