when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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