I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
