she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
