standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
