if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
