walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
