I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
