I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize