So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
