Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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