Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
