Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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