I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
