if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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