You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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