i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
