he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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