i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
