I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize