you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
