you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
