I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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