I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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