I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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