She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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