Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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