A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
MIDGETS
????
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
