I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
