from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
