I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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