I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
