I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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