I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
