Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want to stick my p in your. b.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
