Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
