Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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