So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
