I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
