I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
