He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
