That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
