Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
