I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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