I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
