took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
