i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
sex in a hospital.. check
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
