I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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