Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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