dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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