i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
