I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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